Let me get this out of the way firstly. Tired of the shoe counting thing. It was a thing. It's not doing its thing. I have one hundred and six pairs of shoes. There. Surprise! Oh, plus I just ordered five more pairs. I will order another pair when I can come to terms with my Portland, Oregon-address-morality issues. And then a couple more when I can justify them because I want to try a new brand.
I keep trying things to make me interested in blogging again. Maybe I'm not anymore. It's changed. I've changed. Except that I keep buying things to wear. Using the blog - that I don't - as an excuse. When I started it was just a fun challenge I set myself for the year. I didn't realise 1) How much work it would be, 2) What a strange world it would open me up to. Blogging doesn't, for the most part, seem to be about fun anymore. Now my space where I wore things that were silly, or non-age-appropriate, or an attempt to discern for myself what my style is, is a failure. I'm James-Joyceing here so these things are popping out of my subconscious onto the page—but maybe it's right. Subconsciouses usually are. The question has to be: How do you keep blogging when no one does it for fun, and you don't want to do it for money?
Don't I? Well it seems obvious I don't. 'Why' is maybe a different level of exploration. I like clothes. But I don't like shopping and I don't like brands. I like writing, but it seems from what I see on my Bloglovin' feed that people don't like reading. With a few beloved exceptions, the fashion blogging scene seems to be all about ... no wait for it ... fashion. I know, right? Me: 'Boring'. What did you DO in your Gucci fur-lined loafers? What did the people on the bus-replacement service THINK when you hauled your oversized Demeulemeester onboard and took up three extra seats? How does your incredibly put-together outfit and picture perfect photo shoot in an exotic location make you FEEL? That's what I want to read. I'm obviously in the minority. Life is time-poor and demand-rich. This progression to monitoring your blog is natural and understandable. But it's traveling a road I don't want to be on. So am I still a blogger?
Of course! Anyone who blogs is a blogger. I have been forcing my crisis thoughts on anyone who makes the mistake of sitting still in a close proximity to me. One person suggested that I should write privately if writing is the thing I like about the whole process. It made a liar out of me. I like the little thrill of celebrity that comes with posting pictures and words online. I don't want to stop, but I can't get going. Everything I try to use to drive me comes over false. There is no reason for me to do it. So why can't I let it go. Eh. Blank.
When I stated writing this post I thought I might figure it all out by the end and finish with a pithy platitude about 'going back to basics and doing it for myself'. It doesn't wash. Why do YOU keep going? Am I asking the right people? Probably. Because anyone who has read this far may be more on my side of the fence than I realised—otherwise you would have just looked at the pictures and left.
Getting linky today with: