Wear 379: Between Ten and Twelve-ish

I’ve been looking at subscribing to an app for six months that will tell me to eat sensible foods, in sensible proportions; have healthy snacks on hand for those times when you need to snack; exercise a little more; keep what’s going in lower than what’s coming out; drink water; don’t give up. Why do I need to pay for that when I already know it? Since July I have been counting my calories. It’s doing my head in!

Twelve-ish
I’m preaching to the converted most likely. We all obsess about this. We are taught/encouraged/brainwashed to be obsessed about it. It’s big business. I’ve lost anywhere between ten and twelve-ish kilos since July (depending on what day it is—a complete and randomly fluctuating non-pattern of unexplained variation: aka 'scales'). I lost that weight during an eight week what-we’ll-call ‘diet’, during which I fairly much stuck to an eight hundred calorie a day food plan and tried to increase my walking every day. I motivated myself by posting weekly on Instagram—hoping it would make me accountable—and trying on all my jeans to see them become more comfortable—fun and satisfying. I was pleased with the results. Since then I have reverted a little. I have some naughty days and I’m back to being a terrible shopper—I loathe grocery shopping and sometimes I think this is my biggest problem because I never have the options on hand for healthy choices so I either eat badly or verbally eviscerate everyone in a thirty meter radius (usually poor Mr Earwig) and go back to bed.

#shoesdontcarewhatsizeyouare
In the last two months I have had twelve hundred calorie stints and sixteen hundred calorie stints— both of which should technically be contributing to weight loss even if it is at a slower rate—but nothing is happening except for the oscillating and depressing scale game. And so I get lured again by the temptation to pay for the knowledge I think I already have. Is the reason to pay not at all about the fact that you already know something and all about the fact that putting your hard-earned on the line makes you do something with what you know? Is that worth it?

Zero
Let’s do it Rory Gilmore style, and make a pros and cons list.

Pros:

 
• Maybe it will work.
 
• Discipline
 
• Motivation (I work well when I have a project)
 
• Support (Look! I’m trying to be positive. It’s possibly this aspect of dealing with ‘people’ that makes me the most nervous. I’m a socio-phobe and I don’t think I’ll react well when I get told things I already know or get fed platitudes. The more I talk the less I am convinced this should be in the ‘pros’ column.)

Cons:

 
• Maybe it won’t work.
 
• Support (Naggy, know-it-all people telling me what to do when I already know what to do but lack the spinal attributes to do it, which just makes me mad at myself. It’s not you *diet-app*, it’s me. I think we should see other apps ...)
 
• The reviews say that there is some issue with stopping payments when you want out. It’ll end up like my gym membership.
 
• If there are real actual people with your health in mind behind this and not just AI pseudo people sprouting supportive rhetoric and placation, then they will have a mild coronary if I do revert to eight hundred calorie days. Most real health professionals seem to think this is an unhealthy thing to do. My dilemma is that, so far, it’s the only thing that has worked.

Twelve-ish
Four for, four against. Maybe the biggest decider should be something a little left of centre. Or right. It’s hard to tell the direction. Maybe the decider should be that I am actually a little afraid to lose weight. I’m worried what I would do when I go shopping with a thirty-two inch waist. God forbid a twenty-eight! I think all semblance of the small amount of clothing sanity I possess would disappear and I would dress like an excited twelve year old in Harajuku. The question gets down to: Is that a bad thing?

#shoesdontcarewhatsizeyouare
Today’s photos were actually taken on two separate occasions, between twelve-ish kilos apart. Weirdly, to me, even though it sounds like it should be a significant amount, the only real difference I see is in my face. (And my fingers: I had to get my ring resized.) I hate being obsessed by my size: I am obsessed by my size.

Twelve-ish
Ps: The Result: I signed up.

The Outfit Top: Choies Pants: ASOS Necklace as Anklet: Junk Jewelery Shop Shoes: Jeffrey Campbell Weird: Doesn't often happen that I wear a complete 'Retail', no 'Op-shopped/Thrifted' outfit!

Photographs shot by Mr Earwig And shared where people can be whoever they are: Patti at Not Dead Yet Style’s Visible Monday Catherine at Not Dressed as Lamb’s #iwillwearwhatilike Cherie at Style Nudge’s Shoe And Tell